My Alleged Husband

Chapter 1958 - 1752: That Moment

At the moment I lost you, at the moment I lost all reason, at the moment I couldn’t see you immediately, who knew how devastated I was?

Zhang Zhentian didn’t understand what was left that his wife couldn’t do now. A perfectly normal person had almost completely lost her mind because of her first boyfriend, harming her own family to such an extent. He didn’t know how to describe his wife, but he also knew that he had once been such a person too. For his wife, he had even abandoned and disregarded his own family, yet in the end, reality had given him a harsh slap in the face. No matter how much he gave, he would never get the best response in his 70 years because his loved one was not himself. He used him again and again, just to let himself love him more wholeheartedly.

To Xia Ji, Xia Jing felt that everything she had done before had thoroughly hurt her husband. No matter what decision her husband made, he could only accept it gladly. There was nothing he could do to change many things. He knew that all of this was the consequence he had caused, and whom could he blame? In the end, all this pain would only lead to a deeper result. But if because of her actions, her family suffered another huge blow, she wasn’t willing to experience that in her heart.

Everyone makes mistakes; what is scary is not making mistakes often, but making mistakes and not knowing how to regret them, making them over and over again, and hurting those who love you the most. That’s the most terrifying thing. How many wrong actions must one commit in a lifetime before realizing the extent of the hurt caused to those who loved them most? How many mistakes must one make before learning to repent? How many wrong decisions do you have to keep making, hurting your family each time, while those who don’t care about you will never let you get hurt no matter what?

Slowly and steadily, I’ve come to realize just how wrong the things I’ve done were. I hurt the person who loved me the most, and the person I loved the most left me because of it. I don’t know what else I can do in this life. I only know that my life can no longer be turned back on, after being hit over and over again, I have suffered indelible wounds.

"Zhentian, I know that whatever I say now can’t change anything. The psychological damage has been done, but please believe me, I have no other intentions. All I wanted was a peaceful life. Every decision I made hurt you, this is my entire life. But you know what? I also wanted to stay by your side. Everyone makes mistakes; I’ve made so many mistakes, and you chose to forgive me time and again. Did you really think I was indifferent? I just didn’t know what to do. I did too much, and it made me numb!

Don’t let me say sorry to you again. I know your heart is thoroughly rejecting me. You no longer know which of my words are truthful and which are false. I understand this feeling. Being deceived time and again by the person you love the most, you can only silently be kept in the dark. It feels really awful. So no matter what you decide to do or say to me, I won’t blame you. This all ultimately ruined the happiness I could have had. I don’t know why I made such decisions, hurting you and hurting those who loved me the most. Every action I’ve taken was never right. Every mistake I made only hurt you.

I’ve never regretted so much in my life. This is my life’s biggest regret, because I don’t know if what I did was wrong. I have no way to turn back anymore. Time has ravaged me beyond recognition. I know that time is fleeting away, and I have no road back!

Thank you for your tolerance, but I end up disappointing your perfect expectations of me. I’m sorry, this will be my last apology in this life. I don’t know in which corner I will watch you in the future. Even if you don’t say anything or make any response, I will choose to leave you. I won’t live with you anymore, because my life, my existence, has only brought endless pain to you, and I’ve never given you any comfort!

This life, you could have had a more perfect and happier life, but you happened to meet me. It’s because of my presence that it disrupted your entire life plan. I’m sorry, I really regretted it a lot at that time. What I wanted was just to stay by your side. But why did I hurt you time and again? All these years, even though I’ve been waiting for my first love to come back to me, I understood that it was nothing but a nihilistic fantasy. Only you were there by my side, protecting me, comforting me, and giving me happiness!"

"Don’t you think it’s really okay for you to say such things now? I was so sincere to you, yet you chose to hurt me in this way. What right or reason do you have to say these things to me now? In your eyes, what kind of man am I? Can I really not give you any happiness or joy? In the years we’ve been together, no matter if you genuinely laughed from your heart or smiled brightly at me, I was happy. As long as I saw you force a smile, I felt I was the happiest man in the world. But why do you slap me in the face like this? In your eyes, what am I really worth? Can’t you give me a little happiness, a little comfort? Must you make things so final, leaving no room to turn back?

I have to admit that now you’ve completely lost your mind. You are no longer the Xia Jing I once knew. Everything you do now has no basis in reality. You are blindly following your heart, not even knowing what you really want. You only know that your heart kept longing for one person. For him, you would risk everything, even your own life. But do you know? Your actions have thoroughly hurt my sincere feelings for you! How could you bear to hurt me?"

I’m not a god. I can’t stop myself from thinking, from longing. The longing for her constantly erodes my heart!